Miles To Go Before I Sleep
by cate's corner
Summary: A multi chapter story, following on from Doppelganger. John finds Evan sleepwalking again. It's the start of a troubling journey to find out why.
1. Chapter 1 Silent Night, Troubled Night

Miles To Go Before I Sleep by catescorner

Hello, all, and welcome to my second, multi chapter story for SGA. I had so much fun with the first one, I couldn't resist writing another!

This one follows on from Doppelganger (known in my household as the Lorne-Goes-Loopy episode). Poor Evan, he really had a hard time, didn't he? You just had to feel sorry for him (I certainly felt sorry for Kavan, who had to stand barefoot on that freezing floor!). Mind you, he has lovely feet - and don't get me, or the little sis, started on the bed hair! :o)

So this story deals with the aftermath from that episode. It's set a couple of nights after that unforgettable stand-off. And as John is about to discover, it's affected Evan more deeply than either of them have realized.

Enjoy!

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Chapter One - Silent Night, Troubled Night

John Sheppard knew there wasn't any real need for him to make these nightly patrols around Atlantis. There were countless systems, and sensors, that kept his city safe, as tirelessly efficiently as he did. But as he'd pointed out, through McKay's inevitable snarking, it was a _military_ thing, _not_ a scientist's.

Of course, it also bugged the hell out of the uptight genius. That was reason enough to keep doing it.

Usually, he'd make those rounds alone, enjoying the peaceful quiet until he, too, turned in for the night. Tonight, though, he had pleasantly unexpected company. Evan Lorne was making his own checks too.

Yep, John thought through a proudly amused smile, _definitely_ a military thing. Just _typically_ Lorne. Then, from a compulsion he couldn't explain, his eyes strayed down to Evan's feet – and he froze. Now, as then, they were completely bare. And John's smile vanished, into a frown of rising alarm.

Two nights ago, helpless under that entity's control, he'd held him at gunpoint, and tried to kill him. Now he was sleepwalking again. And those subconscious wanderings had taken him into the armoury. A room _filled_ with guns. Not just Berettas either, but their P90s. Ammunition, and C4, and – oh, _crap_.

His first reaction was to call for backup. Get Carter down here, or Keller. Hell, Ronon too, if he had to. But something beyond those instincts stopped him, as John hurried to the armoury's doorway – memories of his XO collapsing, in frozen agony, from that stun blast still too raw to go through again.

He could still see him now, lying on the observation room floor, struggling back to consciousness. Staring up at them, in utter panic, while they'd questioned him over actions that he couldn't remember. John had never seen such fear, or helplessness, in his XO's eyes. He'd prayed he'd never see it again.

But it _was_ happening again. Through alien influence, or otherwise, his friend was in that armoury. And as he continued to watch him, checking through their racks of P90s, John felt his blood run cold. It was like watching a living, breathing robot. Except that robot was one of his closest friends.

He'd picked up some boxes of ammunition now, settling onto a nearby bench while he counted them. Oblivious to his CO's presence, he was counting out bullets, with breathtaking speed. In. His. Sleep.

Not daring to interrupt him, John didn't have a clue, either, of how to bring him out of it. Oh, God. If ever there was time to call in Kate Heightmeyer, this was it. But she was dead, there was no-one else on Atlantis to help him with this, and… _what the hell_?

"Hey, Colonel! Making the rounds too, huh?"

Thrown out of his thoughts, onto the biggest loop imaginable, John just stared at his friend, then shakily nodded – the pain of Kate's death, and shock at what his friend was doing, giving way to still uneasy curiosity, and instinctive fascination.

Hell, forget the Wraith, with their glinty teeth, or the Replicators, with their robotic perfection. Watching Evan smile back at him, his eyes bright, wide open in deepest sleep, was just plain, all out freaky.

The only good sign, that took John several seconds to notice, was that he was so _calm_ this time – the cheerfully reliable XO he'd always known as Evan finally nodded, with the satisfaction of a job well done.

"That's better. Said I'd check this ammo for you, sir, but… well, got kinda distracted."

Met with silence that, for once, he didn't understand, Evan's eyes then narrowed into a puzzled frown

"You okay, sir? You seem kinda distracted too."

Forcing back a smile that he hoped was calmer than he felt, John pushed it into a more convincing grin. He'd remembered more of Kate's explanation now, the classic signs of complete somnambulism – feeling her loss more deeply than ever as he noticed the glassiness in Evan's eyes, their telltale squint.

If he was talking too, then he was _really_ out of it, too deeply asleep for him to rouse, and – _damn_ it! Without Kate's calming presence to fall back on, or Keller's help, what the hell did he do now?

"Yeah, Evan, I'm… uh, fine. Just didn't expect anyone else to be up this late," he said at last, moving this most surreal of conversations straight to the top of his ever growing list of '_that was freaky_' experiences.

Knowing that Evan wouldn't remember it when he _did_ wake up made it freakier still, and… _whoa_! Seemingly happy with his CO's answer, he was moving again – thank God – out of the armoury. Still not knowing whether to stop him, or try to wake him up, John chose to just follow him instead – forcing himself to keep up with the most surreal conversation he'd ever had as they kept walking.

By the time they reached Evan's quarters, they'd covered everything from football to their first cars to team training – their final discussion, on favourite vacations, ending unsettlingly quickly. Swiping the door open, Evan strode inside, smiling up at him as they reached his bed.

"Well, time to turn in. 'night, sir. See you in the morning."

And, just like that, it was over. Crawling under a pile of tangled bedclothes, Evan's head hit the pillow, his eyes closed, and he was out for the count.

Still shaken by what he'd just seen, John tucked him more tidily into its covers, then sat carefully beside him. His unfailingly reliable instincts had already told him that this wasn't over, and the best thing he could do now was to stay put. So while his XO slept soundly beside him, John Sheppard settled in for a long, and now _definitely_ sleepless night.


	2. Chapter 2 Dreaming And Scheming

Miles To Go Before I Sleep by catescorner

Awww, thanks so much for these lovely reviews! As you'll have guessed, Doppelganger is one of my favourite episodes, and I'm so pleased you're enjoying this story.

So, John now realizes that Evan has a potentially serious problem. Now, he needs to work out how to solve it. And since I'm sure he'd have to tell Carter and Keller what's happened, they join him in this chapter, as they try and find some answers.

Thanks again for these reviews, they've been much appreciated, and I hope you enjoy this latest chapter!

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Chapter Two - Dreaming And Scheming

Curled up under his bedclothes, Evan Lorne dreamed happily of a perfect sunrise over the Bay. In deepest sleep, he was oblivious to the threeway discussion that was being held, in anxious whispers, around him.

John Sheppard's decision to keep a brotherly eye on his friend had proven to be unsettlingly wise. For the third time that night, Evan had taken him on a subconscious walkabout through the city. Without Kate Heightmeyer's expertise, it now fell to Jennifer Keller to try and diagnose its cause – no easy task as she finished her scans, and realized that, yet again, she had nothing new to report.

"It's a bit deeper than usual, but… no, he's fine, he's back in normal REM sleep. And no signs of alien influence," she said at last, fidgeting slightly, all too aware of the silent frustration that she could feel building up beside her.

Colonel Carter wanted answers. More to the point, and with less patience, so did John Sheppard. She just wished she could offer them something more than these same, already familiar questions.

"And he showed no aggression towards you? Didn't threaten you, in any way?"

"No, it was just like the first time, _and_ the second," John replied through a deep, calming breath. "Except this time we went to my office, and the next thing I know, he's doing my latest mission reports."

"Well, sleepwalking is a psychological disorder," Keller continued, still frowning over her scanner, and gradually realizing, from their reactions, that she had to think through her next response with just a _bit_ more care "And yes, of course I can treat it, but… well, this is still a bit out of my field."

"Yeah, but right now, doc, _you_'_re_ the best qualified doctor we've got," John reminded her quietly, tiredness and worry bringing an edge to his voice that he instantly, and apologetically, waved away. "Look, I'm sorry, but… this is the third time tonight. Even if it isn't from that alien entity, we need to find out what's causing this, _fast._"

"Yes, Colonel, I know," Keller smiled at him, with easier understanding than he knew he deserved. It earned her a friendlier smile, that turned into one of genuine approval for the new confidence it brought her. "But Colonel Carter and I think there's a pattern here, that might explain Major Lorne's behaviour."

"Yes, these incidents seem to be seeking your approval, John, by taking on the duties he knows you hate," Sam agreed, silently grateful that he was too intrigued now to give her CMO any more of a hard time. "First, it was the armoury, then clearing through the ready room, and now he's doing your paperwork."

"And normally I'd thank him for it, especially that last part," John nodded, conceding the point as calmly as he could – wishing he could enjoy the long running joke between them that had now taken such a disturbing twist. "But he's doing it in his _sleep_, Sam. And while he hasn't hurt himself so far, or anyone else-"

"…we need to get to the bottom of this, before he does," Sam finished for him, just as soberly, relieved that she could dismiss the most obvious threat now, and reach a more logical conclusion. "We know it isn't that entity. So whatever's causing this _has_ to be through Lorne's own choice."

"…or his conscience," Keller chipped in, meeting two pairs of startled eyes with another slight smile "I know you cleared him officially, Colonel, but… well, have you _talked_ to him? _Unofficially_?"

"Well, no. I mean, we've both been pretty busy," John admitted through an awkward shrug – already knowing why Keller now smiled at him, with a sensitivity that put his lack of it to shame.

"He almost killed you, Colonel. And you saw how upset he was when we told him what happened."

"So you think he's trying to make up for trying to kill me by doing my _paperwork_?" John asked, still staring at her, but with gratitude now, for the intuition that, in truth, he hadn't given her credit for.

"You're not just his commanding officer, Colonel, you're also one of his closest friends," she said gently, knowing from a guilty wince that she'd made her point, but still honour bound to nudge it fully home. "And if he thinks you've lost your trust in him, then… well, yes, until you tell him otherwise, he'll try to get it back, _sub_consciously, through this sleepwalking."

She'd made her point as tactfully as she could, with no criticism that he hadn't thought of this himself. But that gave John scant consolation, as he realized how another military trait had worked against him.

Life in the service left little time for 'personal stuff'. And, like him, Evan had always preferred actions to words. So yes, he'd assumed that quick '_I_'_m_ _okay_, _you_'_re_ _okay_' grin had cleared the air between them.

The troubled friend, who now slept quietly beside him, now told him otherwise, and… damn it! For someone with a genius level IQ to rival McKay's, _and_ beat it, he could be damn dense at times.

Luckily for Evan Lorne, and his own clouded conscience, there was still time to put it right – guilt and tiredness giving way now, to more constructive determination to help his friend.

"Well, he'll get that talk now," he said at last, resting a gently protective hand on Evan's shoulder – so deep in thought as he watched his friend that Keller's next words of advice _almost_ passed him by.

"If I can suggest it, Colonel, take him somewhere familiar, where _both_ of you will feel at ease."

Happier now that they'd found a plan of action, already thinking it forward, John smiled back at her – watching Evan sleep through slightly easier eyes while he gave that plan a few final tweaks.

Somewhere familiar, where he and his troubled XO could feel at ease, and settle their issues. Yeah, he knew just the place.


	3. Chapter 3 Up In The Air

Miles To Go Before I Sleep by catescorner

Well, a bit later than planned, here's chapter three! It solves the mystery of where John has taken Evan for their little talk - it just struck me as being the most obvious place!

Of course, getting Evan there is one thing, but getting him to actually start talking is quite another. It's a good thing John has such a stubborn streak - I think he's going to need it!

Enjoy, and thanks again for these lovely reviews!

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Chapter Three - Up In The Air

Through all his years in the military, John Sheppard had quickly learned the benefits of silence. It had saved his life, more times than he could count. Done the same for his team. But at the moment, it was working against him. And this plan to coax his XO into a difficult, clear-the-air talk, wasn't going too well either.

Hell, it wasn't _going_ at all. Ten minutes into this recon flight to their new mainland, and Evan still hadn't said a word. Then again, he'd never been that much of an extrovert. Evan Lorne had always been naturally quiet. Ask him about flying, though, or geology, or painting, and he'd talk all four legs off that proverbial donkey – covering every point of debate, every aspect, every detail, with irrepressibly cheerful enthusiasm.

Just not today, John thought, using yet another systems check as an excuse to glance towards him. Today, he was finding miles of featureless ocean strangely fascinating, and - damn it! If he'd just say something, _anything_, if just to comment on the weather, or what he'd had for breakfast, or –

"It's happening again, isn't it?"

– or he could just skip past such pussyfooting smalltalk, John thought dryly, and get right down to business.

He wished he could tease his friend, for such intuitive directness, but John knew that he couldn't. Evan's face was too pale, his eyes too anxious. And the dread in his voice too real to treat so flippantly. So instead he nodded, pre-empting the question that had brought such unnatural strain into his friend's eyes.

"Yeah, you've been sleepwalking again. But it's okay, Evan, this isn't like last time. And you haven't hurt anyone."

That brought relief to both of them, but it didn't stop Evan from wincing as he rubbed his forehead.

"Yeah, I thought as much when I woke up with this headache. It's a real thumper," he said at last, shaking out two painkillers from his field kit, and pulling a suitable face as he swallowed them down. "When I had them as a kid, I could barely get out of bed, and… God, I _hate_ taking these things."

Sharing his XO's dislike for any kind of medication, John nodded in sympathetic agreement – not surprised, just quietly relieved by Evan's next, equally straight-down-to-business question.

"So if I haven't gone _totally_ screwy on you, what _have_ I been doing?"

He'd spoken calmly enough, but John still sensed the tension bubbling under the attempted humour. He just hoped he could find a way through its cynicism, to reach the troubled friend beyond.

"Well, like I said, Evan, you haven't hurt anyone, or done _anything_ screwy," he said at last, knowing, from his deadpan retort that Evan still had doubts where that point was concerned.

"I'm walking in my _sleep_, John, doing things I can't remember. In my book, _that_ counts as screwy."

John knew it was tiredness, and tension, that had brought that unfamiliar edge to his friend's voice. And while he sympathised with their cause, he was determined not to let that negativity beat him. So when he spoke again, his voice was firm too, with a deliberate dash of irresistible bait.

"So let's get to the bottom of what's causing it. Then hopefully we'll _both_ get some sleep tonight."

It worked like a dream. Evan was still staring at him, but with healthier curiosity now, rather than irritation. And the grateful amazement that followed was just the reaction that John Sheppard had hoped for.

"You – You were with me when it happened? You stayed with me afterwards?"

Recognizing this most golden of opportunities, John Sheppard seized it, with two _very_ grateful hands.

"You've covered _my_ six enough times, Evan. It's only fair to do the same when _you_ need me to cover yours."

That won him a slight smile, that grew into a shyly appreciative grin, as Evan finally nodded – frowning again, both from his inability to remember what he'd done, and his still unresolved question.

"So if I didn't threaten to kill you this time, what… um… what did I do instead?"

He'd tried to sound casual, but the '_just_-_tell_-_me_-_it_-_wasn_'_t_-_embarrassing._' plea was still in his eyes. And since he'd now found the best strategy to make him smile too, John had no problem with using it again.

"Well, first you went walkabout, then you helped me with some overdue chores," he said at last, keeping his voice nicely on the border between seriously supportive and teasingly cryptic, and grinning when this brought out a thoroughly confused frown. Yeah, he had him now - safely hooked, and heading nicely for the net.

"You did that ammo check in the armoury for me, then you blitzed the ready room lockers."

"Yeah, that's me. Major Neatfreak," Evan sighed through a ruefully sheepish smile, and knowing, from a broadening grin beside him, that his devotion to duty hadn't stopped there. "Then what? And if you tell me I spring cleaned the Stargate, I'll _know_ I've gone screwy."

"No, but now you mention it… yeah, it could do with a dusting," John shot back, loving the glare that Evan threw towards him. It was a welcome sign of returning normality. But John knew that far better was still to come. "No, you… uh, headed up to my office, and did all my paperwork, for that mission to M5X 371."

As he'd expected, Evan's eyes had now widened to the size of saucers. They reflected utter disbelief. Then something familiar, and so very welcome, came back to life inside them, and John grinned at what it represented – the same thought that had crossed their separate minds, and now chuckled out through once more united voices.

"Gone screwy."


	4. Chapter 4 Past Regrets, Future Fears

Miles To Go Before I Sleep by catescorner

Hello, all, and welcome to the next instalment! Thank you all, so much, for your very kind reviews!

Since the boys still have so much to talk about, it won't all fit in this chapter. There's plenty more to come, through the rest of the story, which now looks like it will run for a total of six chapters. So with John taking his share of it too, let the angst-fest continue!

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Chapter Four - Past Regrets, Future Fears

They were getting there. Slowly, and still cautiously, but… no, John Sheppard didn't care about that. If it brought his XO back on an even keel again – hell, he didn't care how long it took to do it. They'd come with supplies anyway, for this trip to the mainland, so - yeah, if it came to it, they'd stay out here all day, and for a _hopefully_ untroubled night.

The signs were promising that it wouldn't come to that. After a shaky start, Evan Lorne's curiosity was back at its full, insatiable strength. He wanted to know _everything_ now, about last night's walkabout. When it had started, and how long his 'episode' had lasted. And knowing that he wouldn't sleep, literally, until he had them, John was covering every last detail – dryly noting that Evan's obsession with accuracy hadn't just come back, it was starting to rub off on him too.

"You had three… uh, episodes, as you call them. Starting with where I found you in the armoury, they followed one after the other, right through the night. For the first two, you came back to your quarters, and slept for half hour or so, before you got up again. After the third time, I guess you were tired enough by then to crash out when you got back, and stay asleep until you woke up for real."

Evan's eyes saucered at that, then narrowed into a puzzled frown as he sighed and shook his head.

"Well, that's a first. Three times in the same night? No, I've… um… never done that before."

"You've never been under that kind of stress either," John reminded him through a gentle smile – drawing from his own experience now, in the sad knowledge that Evan had just been through it too. "Being controlled by an alien entity, it's… well, you know, gonna do that to you."

"Yeah, one thing you can say about life in this galaxy, it's _never_ dull," Evan agreed just as dryly, taking a deep breath, before quietly confronting the helplessness and anger that still haunted him. "I just wish I'd tried to fight it harder, it… damn it, John, it brought me _this_ close to killing you."

Holding his thumb and forefinger millimetres apart, his voice had inevitably risen to reflect his anger. All the terror he'd felt then, and the helpless shame he'd felt afterwards, had flooded back into his eyes. And for John, there were the equally painful memories of staring down the barrel of that Beretta – knowing how traumatic it had been for his friend, to be controlled by an enemy that he couldn't fight.

His own body had left him powerless to stop the entity that had found the perfect way to exploit it – as powerless as John now felt, for not knowing what to say to convince him that it wasn't his fault.

The inability to remember it had made it even worse, and… well, he _could_ do something about that. Even if those memories came from a secondary source, at least they'd fill in some of those terrifying blanks.

"I know you can't remember it yourself, Evan, but _I_ saw you fighting it," he said at last, breathing a sigh of relief when the bitter regret in Evan's eyes gave way to far healthier curiosity.

"You – You _did_? I don't remember any of that."

But then he frowned again, silently cursing the childhood quirk that still left him so vulnerable. Sleepwalking, and its after effects, were traumatic enough for anyone, but when you carried a gun – yeah, those gaps in your memory left you, and those you cared most about, dangerously exposed.

So when he finally spoke again, after taking several deep breaths, his voice was tellingly quiet.

"All I remember is what you told me afterwards. That I held you and Colonel Carter at gunpoint, and tried to kill you."

Not surprisingly, his eyes had clouded over again. To his dismay, John now understood why. For the first time since this ordeal started, he was beginning to realize the full hell of somnambulism. Having no memory of such traumatic actions were good in some ways, and devastatingly bad in others. Combine that with Evan Lorne's conscience, his unwavering loyalty, and – yeah, _now_ he understood.

Damn, no wonder he'd gone off the rails. If he'd gone through what his XO had just gone through, he'd have done the same. And as he continued to study his friend, John knew this was the perfect time to let the auto pilot take care of flying the Jumper, while _he_ took care of more personal business.

"Well, you were pretty deeply under… you know, with the sleepwalking thing," he said at last, settling himself back beside Evan's seat so that he could look his XO straight in his wide, startled eyes. "But I could still see it, Evan. Right through that standoff, I could see it, and I knew it. You did _not_ want to shoot me."

Now, as it had done then, Evan's face had become a battleground of conflicting emotions – running the same range of hope against despair, loyalty against betrayal, and belief against doubt.

Even when the winner finally emerged, tiredness kept its return to a quiet, strained whisper.

"But I came so _close_, John! If Ronon hadn't shot _me_ when he did, I _would_ have killed you."

"But you _didn_'_t_, Evan. You didn't kill me, because _you_ didn't want to," John told him gently, hoping the subtle stresses he'd put on two vital words would finally get his message across.

Almost, but not quite. So close, but still so far. Evan was still trapped in the unthinkable horrors of what might have been. However frustrating it was, though, John knew that he _had_ to keep trying, for _both_ their sakes – even if that meant gripping Evan's shoulders, and gently shaking them, to make him see his point.

"Whatever that thing was making you do, Evan, you did _not_ want to kill me. It was that thing inside you that was trying to kill me, Evan, not you. _That_'_s_ the difference, that you need to understand. I know I should have told you this, long before now, but I need you to believe that I _don_'_t_ blame you for what happened. It _wasn't_ your fault."

For several seconds, Evan stared back at him, fresh hope battling against the doubt in his eyes. Then, at last, the battleground started to clear, and John grinned as the winners finally emerged. Hope and belief had returned to Evan Lorne's eyes. At long last, the tide was starting to turn.


	5. Chapter 5 Food For Thought

Miles To Go Before I Sleep by catescorner

Well, folks, I promised you angst in that last chapter - and you'll find plenty more here! You'll also find references to Rising (one of my favourite scenes)The Long Goodbye, First Strike, and Lifeline, as the boys face their respective consciences.

I've also noticed that Evan seems to like his power bars, and he prefers pasta to hot dogs in the Impressions audio book, suggesting that he likes healthy food too. So I've used a bit of licence with that here, along with the fear that led to Kate's death.

I hope you enjoy, and thanks so much for the reviews!

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Chapter Five - Food For Thought

John Sheppard's day was getting better. In just a few minutes, it had improved dramatically. Still no luck with his turkey sandwich, but… well, he'd long given up on the Jumper's inflight catering. Instead, he'd brought his own, made just the way he liked it – the full works, and double on the mayo. Proudly inspecting his favourite creation, John didn't know whether to eat it, or try to climb it.

Evan had found his appetite again too, though not _quite_ so heartily, and certainly more healthily – his choice of tuna pasta and sun dried tomatoes causing John's smile to widen, in relieved amusement, as he took a massive bite of calorie laden heaven.

'_Once a health nut_, _always a health nut._'

More seriously, in every respect, it was giving Evan the energy he needed to keep talking. And, John now worriedly realized, he was still taking the blame for things that weren't his fault. Tragic things, that heaped even more guilt onto an already overloaded conscience.

"Was it my fault, John? I mean, she died, so soon after it happened, and you said this thing went into another host after it left me, so… is that what happened, John? Did Kate die because of me?"

John winced in dismay. Oh, _crap_. As if his friend hadn't been through enough already. And like he could even think, now, of eating this damn sandwich.

"No, Evan. No, it wasn't your fault," he said at last, kicking himself, again, for not telling him this sooner. Of course, it was too late to change that now. All he could do was get through this, as quickly as he could, and hope that Evan still believed him. "No, after Zelenka checked you over, we realized it didn't just transfer from host to host by touch alone. By the time you came round from that stun, it had gotten into the power conduits, and… well, from there, it got to Kate."

Beyond his desperate need to believe him, Evan still looked stricken, and John hated to see such pain in his friend's eyes. Taking a deep breath, he knew he had to try again.

"Evan, it wasn't your fault. This thing fed on fear. Yours was the thought that I'd been replaced by a Replicator, and… well, Carter found it in Kate's file. She'd had therapy herself, when she was younger, for a chronic fear of heights."

That may have let him off the hook officially, but Evan's eyes were still clouded with emotions - grief for a fallen friend, and bitterness that he'd been powerless to stop it. No, he'd been stuck in a damn room, forced to await his fate for revealing his own greatest fear.

Watching him, in silent sympathy, John knew he could do nothing more now, but wait for his friend to re-face his demons. It took several seconds before Evan found the strength to do it.

"I – I was just so _sure_, John. So sure that you, and Colonel Carter, were both viable threats."

"Only because that entity managed to turn your greatest fears against you," John replied gently, knowing, from the way Evan's eyes slid away from his, that he'd just hit that nail square on its head.

It had also given him a rare insight into the fears that years of military discipline had told him to hide. But at least that brought him a step closer to releasing his friend, and maybe himself too, from their stifling grip.

"Is that what you're really scared of here, Evan? The Replicators?"

Opening a fresh carton of juice, Evan thought for a moment, then sighed, and sadly nodded.

"Well, yeah. I mean, we lost Dr Weir to them. And Colonel Carter too, before we got her back."

That was only part of it, of course, but… no, with so much at stake, John knew he couldn't rush this. He'd already sensed that they were finally getting to the true cause of his XO's troubled mind. They'd cross that bridge when they came to it, but… well, they had to get over this one first, and –

"It's weird, you know, not having her around, and… I – I just wish I'd been with you, to try and get her back."

– one of these days, probably when hell froze over, he'd know when Evan Lorne was going to do that. Jeez, no wonder his team never lost at baseball. With pitching like that, they were damn unbeatable.

They'd enjoy that joke together, at a more appropriate time, but… no, for now, it was back to much more serious business.

"Hey, you were where I _needed_ you to be. On the Apollo, to back us up," John said at last, keeping his voice level, so that Evan didn't think he was criticising him for questioning his orders. "I needed someone I trusted, Evan, to hold the line in case we failed, and _they_ got past us. I trusted you _then. _I trust you just as much _now. _That hasn't changed, Evan, and it never will."

That, surely, was going to be enough, but… well, Evan Lorne had a stubborn streak to match his loyalty. And his response, when it finally came, wasn't the one that John had expected, or wanted, to hear.

"Are you sure, John? After what's just happened, with that entity, and what happened last night, can you _really_ still trust me?"

Another perfect pitch. But this time John was ready at the plate, and knew just how to return it.

"I could ask you the same thing, Evan. Do _you_ still trust me?"

Home run. And a '_say what_?' stare that was so priceless that he had to fight to keep his face straight. He'd make the most of it, of course, when it suited him, but… no, he had to get through this first. They were so close too now, so tantalizingly close. One more push, and they'd surely be home, or at least in the home straight.

"I've gone through the whole bad-alien-inside-me thing too, remember?" he said at last, driving his point home before Evan, nodding in thoughtful agreement, had the chance to answer. "As you said yourself, so has Carter. By all accounts, we both did some pretty crazy things too. Things that we'd never normally do."

Another thoughtful nod told him he was on the right track. So did the start of a tentative smile. Realization was finally there, bright in the expressive eyes, but… well, it wouldn't hurt to make sure.

"But we're still here, Evan. We're still the people we always were. And _you_ still trust us."

Yeah, that did it. Realization had changed to precious acceptance, and the finishing line was finally in sight. An unseen weight lifted from John's shoulders as he leaned forward again, to take Evan's into a gently persuasive grip.

"I know this has been hell for you, Evan, in ways I know I'll never understand. But you survived it. We _both_ survived it. And that thing's back on a planet that we'll _never_ go to again."

'_It_'_s_ _over. W__e got through it,_ _and I still need you._'

He'd left that part tactfully unsaid. As he'd hoped, Evan had still caught its meaning, loud and clear. There was a slight but welcome smile on his face now, clearer focus in his eyes, as he finally nodded – the breakthrough that John had waited so long to hear bouncing onto a new, equally priceless tangent.

"Yeah, just another day in the Pegasus galaxy, and… whoa, look at that coastline! It's just like home!"

"Oh, yeah, I forgot. You haven't been out here since you got back," John grinned, patting his shoulder, then returning to his seat to set their new course before a bright eyed, hopefully hinting glance had to ask. After all, he'd brought Evan on this flight for the real purpose of exploring it for useful resources. And resolving the last of their issues, in such breathtaking scenery, wouldn't do either of them any harm.


	6. Chapter 6 Trojan Horse

Miles To Go Before I Sleep by catescorner

Well, here we are, at the end of my second multi chapter story. Thank you to all my very kind reviewers, I'm delighted that you've enjoyed it.

So, the crisis now seems to be over, leaving John and Evan free to explore their new mainland. Since it was never referred to in the series, I've brought Evan's knowledge of geology into this chapter, simply because I loved seeing it in the SG1 episode, Enemy Mine, and thought it would be nice to see this different side of him.

There are spoilers for that episode, along with a bit of an ominous twist in the tale that - well, I'll leave you to find out for yourselves! Thank you again for sharing this journey with me, and hope to see you all here soon :o)

Miles To Go Before I Sleep

Chapter Six - Trojan Horse

The only rocks that interested John Sheppard were the mountainous ones that you could climb. But to a geologist, they were things of complex beauty. Natural wonders, that spanned the universe. And in Evan Lorne's eyes, they ran a dead heat with the thrill of flying, and the tranquility of painting.

Surrounded by rocks of every shape, size, and formation, he was in his second best loved element – running his fingers over a seam of pale grey stone, then scanning it, with increasing excitement.

"Oh boy, this – this is trinium!"

The delight in his voice was pure Evan Lorne – just as the response to it was pure John Sheppard.

"_Whattium_?"

"No, _tri_-_ni_-_um,_" Evan grinned, stressing each syllable for his geologically challenged friend. "It's an element that we used back at the SGC, and… whoa, these deposits are off the charts, they're _huge_!"

In John's eyes, they were still just boringly dull rocks, but… well, Evan clearly saw them differently. He was almost bouncing with excitement now, as he checked his readings. And that enthusiasm was contagious enough for John to smile too, with now genuine interest.

"And that's _good_. Right?"

"Better than good, John. Back at the SGC, trinium was considered priceless," Evan explained, reaching into his TAC vest and, to John's surprise, pulling a small hammer from one of its pockets. Stopping the inevitable smirk with an equally inevitable glare, he then smiled too, and shrugged, while taking some sample boxes from his backpack.

"Hey, once a geologist, always a geologist. And you never know when it might come in handy."

"Okay, Rock-Boy, I'll take your word for it," John grinned, blithely ignoring the glare that Evan threw at him in response. Instead, he stood at his friend's side, watching him work with genuinely proud admiration. He was completely focussed now, just as he'd been the previous night. Except this time, he was wide awake, driven on by constructive purpose, rather than needless guilt.

So yes, this was better. This was _much_ better. _This_ was the Evan Lorne that he'd trust with his life, without hesitation.

Yet this was also a side of him that he'd _never_ seen. An expert in a rarely used, but still valuable field. Against his brilliance as a pilot, XO, and military leader, his knowledge of geology tended to be forgotten. And like every lover of learning, Evan Lorne had a natural gift for sharing that knowledge around.

"In its natural form, it's pretty useless. See there, how easily you can break it?" he explained, tapping out a small sample from the seam beside them, then giving it to John to see for himself. "But once it's refined, it's almost impenetrable, almost a hundred times stronger than steel, but still incredibly light. And that gave us a real advantage against the Goa'uld."

Met with a quizzically raised eyebrow, and a handful of seemingly useless rockdust, he then grinned – settling in for every geologist's love of some good old fashioned, practical demonstration.

Crumbling another sample into a small dish from his backpack, he then poured some water on top, using a stick to mould it into shape, and grinning at John's surprise that it was already starting to solidify into a solid, shiny mass.

"See what I mean? From weaponry to building our battlecruisers, its uses are almost endless. This really is incredible stuff."

Just the words that every military commander liked to hear – and John Sheppard was no exception. All teasing was forgotten now, as he recognized the potentially crucial advantage that lay, literally, in his hand.

"And we could use it _here_, to fight the Wraith? The Replicators?"

"Well, we have different resources here to those we had at the SGC, so we might need to find other ways to refine it," Evan admitted, frowning slightly, that he'd forgotten that in his excitement, before the grin brightly reappeared. "But you can see how quickly water removes its impurities to strengthen it, and… well, we don't have _any_ shortage of that."

Sensing, and sharing, his eagerness to get these precious samples back to Atlantis, John nodded – seeing his friend through new, even prouder eyes as he helped Evan stack them into his backpack.

"Okay, I'll get a science team assigned here, ASAP, and… hey, that headache still bothering you?"

"Yeah, a bit. Damn thing just doesn't want to let go," Evan sighed through a sheepish grin, still rubbing his temple, and noticing that John was now doing the same, as they headed back to the Jumper. "I guess all that walking instead of sleeping is starting to catch up on me."

"Well, hopefully you'll sleep like a log tonight," John chuckled, unable to resist a teasing afterthought when Evan yawned and nodded, in sleepily docile agreement. "And if you don't, I'll just whack you round the head with my five iron."

"Gee, thanks, boss. You're all heart," Evan muttered, pulling a suitable face back at him – the bantering insult that would have undoubtedly followed turning, thankfully, into another cavernous yawn.

Steered by a gently brotherly hand, he was walking in his sleep all over again, if more consciously this time. By the time they reached the Jumper, tiredness had turned, with surprising speed, into total exhaustion. And within seconds of settling into his seat, he'd drifted into a depthless, peacefully carefree sleep.

Still watching him, John smiled too, in relief that his friend's crisis of conscience was finally over. It had been a hellish ordeal, for both of them, but - no, it really was over now. Better still, they'd found a crucial means of fighting the enemies who were still hell bent on destroying them. Enough supplies of it too, it seemed, to give them a real chance of defeating them.

So yes, after a shaky start, it had turned into an _excellent_ day. Now, if he could just get rid of this damn headache…


End file.
